


FIRST CONTACT! I Meet the Mega-Gamer Aliens From Outer Space (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)

by unfathomableTortoise



Category: Homestuck, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: (as a treat), (mostly), Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Bakugou Katsuki Being Less of an Asshole, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Kirishima Eijirou is a Little Shit, Kirisquad (My Hero Academia), M/M, Multi, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfathomableTortoise/pseuds/unfathomableTortoise
Summary: APRIL 13, 20XX -After months of delay, media giant UA Entertainment has finally announced that their long-awaited interactive fiction "game of the year" (known only by its pre-release publicity titlesBURB) is entering its beta-testing stage. It will be sent out to the hundreds of gamers across Japan - and all over the world - that have been lucky enough to receive a beta code over the course of the summer. This will be the first time the game is released to members of the general public. UA has promised that it will be "a revolutionary step in the world of video games" - but can it live up to the hype?--Bakugou Katsuki keeps getting messaged by internet trolls. He's sick of it.
Relationships: Ashido Mina & Kaminari Denki & Kirishima Eijirou & Sero Hanta, Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou, Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	1. ACT 1: SCENE 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! Okay. I haven't actually published a fic in _way_ too long, objectively, and, given the amount of writing I've been doing over the past year or so, I think it's time for that to change.
> 
> I'm a little hesitant to post this, honestly. I'm usually not a huge fan of chatfics - they're so reliant on such specific aspects of characterization that it's impossible to find one that satisfies everyone - and this one feels _incredibly_ self-indulgent. I'm not sure if I'll ever finish it, either. I banged most of it out around March/April, at the beginning of quarantine, when I was in the height of a BNHA hyperfixation. I did, however, write a great deal for the fic, and I am kind of ridiculously proud of it. So here we are. 
> 
> I'm going to try to post some more of it every week? Couple of weeks? Until I run out of backlog. (The new semester's starting, and I've never consistently published a chaptered fic before, so we'll see how consistent I manage to be.) At that point, updates will become more sporadic, but I'm kind of hoping that publishing this will give me the motivation to dive back into it every so often. I found this particularly easy to write, in April, so I'm hoping that this does not end up in another indefinite hiatus.
> 
> There are more characters + ships that I've already written content for/that I'm planning to introduce, but I feel awkward tagging them before they actually show up significantly in the fic. I'd say that it's fairly kiribaku-central so far, and will probably stay that way, but I do hope, eventually, to keep from regulating my lesbians to the sidelines. (It's horribly out-of-character for me as it is to consider posting a non-wlw fic, and I can't have my friends believing I've given into demonic possession.)
> 
> Anyway - this is enough rambling from me. Enjoy the fic!
> 
> (See the end notes for any chapter-related warnings.)

\-- ungluedAdhesive [UA] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
UA: == h=hewwo? ==  
UA: == is anybody thewe?? ==  
PR: What the fuck?   
UA: 9*o*9  
UA: == mistew bakugou! ==  
UA: == mistew bakugou = is that you? ==  
PR: Do I know you?   
UA: == mistew bakugou we down’t have time fow this!! ==  
UA: == pwease hewp me mistew bakugou! ==  
UA: == i’m dwowning ~~~~~  
UA: 9*n*9  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked ungluedAdhesive [UA] --  


\-- shockinglyLiterate [SL] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
SL: // mistew bakugou!!  
SL: // mistew bakugou pwz take pity on ouw poow soulz....  
SL: // onwy u can save uz!  
PR: Not you fuckers again.  
SL: // pwease mistew bakugou....  
SL: // why hast thou fowsaken uz in thiz ouw houw of need....  
PR: Fuck off.  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked shockinglyLiterate [SL] --  


\-- alienSovereign [AS] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
AS: mistew b@kug%u!  
PA: Oh my GOD.  
AS: @ww we’ww @sking f%w is but @ minute %f y%uw pweci%us time!!  
AS: if y%u c@nn%t even sp@we th@t much f%w @ p%%w victim %f circumst@nce…  
PA: Fucking fine, you pink eyesore. What do you need.  
PA: And fuck off with the weird attempt at leetspeak, it’s a godawful monstrosity. What is it with you trolls and bad leetspeak these days?  
AS: }:o mistew b@kug%u... y%u’we g%ing to hewp us????  
PA: I didn’t say that. I’m going to listen to you, if that’s what it’ll take to get you idiots to leave me alone once and for all.  
AS: my hew%........  
AS: y%u @we twuly such @ kind @nd gentle s%ul... i’ww d% @nything t% wepay y%u...  
PA: Anything?  
AS: @nything };p  
PA: Then fucking perish.  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked alienSovereign [AS] --  
  
AS: LM@%  


\-- preuxLeste [PL] began pestering pyrophoricRex [PR] at 16:00 --  
  
PL: GREETINGS, PESTERCHUM USER PYROPHORICREX ! A fellow user of this site has informed me that certain as yet unnamed INTERNET TROLLS have been inquiring about you BY LEGAL NAME (Bakugou Katsuki). You should perhaps consider changing your chumhandle, or securing your online accounts. Internet safety is of the utmost importance !  
PR: Wait, aren’t you fuckin’ Deku’s friend?  
PR: Did he put you up to this?  
PL: I am not at liberty to disclose the identity of my informant at this time ! I assure you that I was not asked to contact you out of any sort of personal malice !  
PL: Also, that is not a very polite way of referring to another person ! I ask that you please watch your language in the future.  
PR: Fuckin DEKU  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked preuxLeste [PL] \--  
  


\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] began pestering smallMight [SM] at 16:19 --  
  
PR: DEKU.  
PR: I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF A PRANK, BUT YOU’RE GONNA STOP IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.   
PR: DID YOU PUT THE OTHER ONES UP TO IT, TOO? THE COLORFUL MOTHERFUCKERS WHO CAN’T TYPE? ARE THEY IN ON IT? BECAUSE IF SO IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY.  
PR: STOP INTERFERING WITH MY GODDAMN LIFE ALREADY.  
SM: oh uh  
SM: hello, kacchan?  
PR: DON’T YOU FUCKING HELLO KACCHAN ME, YOU USELESS BROCCOLI LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER. GET YOUR FRIENDS OUT OF MY DMS.  
SM: sorry about that, iida-kun didn’t mean any harm!! i just asked him to talk to you because that red text guy kept asking about you and i didn’t recognize his username so i thought he was probably just a troll? i mean he even admitted he was a troll. so i just thought it was probably a bad thing that he knew your name and was asking after you and i thought you should probably know about it!! that’s all, sorry  
SM: also i, uh. didn’t know you knew my chumhandle?  
PR: Of COURSE I know your goddamn chumhandle, I just never want to fucking talk to you.  
PR: Who the FUCK are you talking about, ‘red text guy’?  
SM: uh  
SM: his handle is scarletRiot? he keeps asking about you by name  
SM: he says you guys are friends but i don’t know of any kirishimas at our school or anything??? and i didn’t think you gave out your real name online so that sounded suspicious  
SM: and i’ve been getting a lot more messages from trolls lately, anyway. maybe your colourful people were more of those? i think there’s a group of them working together...  
PR: God fucking DAMMIT.  
SM: i’m sorry, i wouldn’t have asked iida to contact you at all except for this whole thing felt kind of dodgy!! if he actually is your friend and im overstepping im really sorry  
SM: oh yeah uh if that’s the case he wanted me to tell you to keep your eyes on the sky, and something about an incorrect ground zero? i’m not sure, he went offline kind of abruptly. does that mean anything to you?  
PR: Of COURSE it fucking doesn’t, Deku, he was a TROLL. He’s not TRYING to make sense, he’s trying to TROLL you.  
PR: It’s not a big goddamn deal. He’s probably just some fucker from school who got ahold of your chumhandle and thought they’d have a laugh at your expense  
PR: Why either you had to drag ME into it, I don’t fucking KNOW.  
PR: But I’ll deal with it this time, because I’m goddamn TIRED of these scatterbrained, illiterate ignoramuses pestering me. Don’t send your fucking goons to talk to me again.  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked smallMight [SM] \--  
  


\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] began pestering scarletRiot [SR] at 16:43 --  
  
PR: Listen up, you idiotic fucking troll, because I’m only going to say this once.  
PR: I may not have met you yet, but I already know I’m going to *detest* you.  
PR: You see, I understand that you don’t know me, but I want you to know that I don’t take kindly to people I don’t know throwing my name around like it’s nothing. I don’t take kindly to groups of people - and, yeah, I know you fuckers are working together - pestering me at every goddamn hour of the night for weird roleplays. I don’t take kindly to people I don’t know pestering my friends about me.  
PR: And I ESPECIALLY don’t take kindly to people I don’t know contacting fucking Deku smallMight to ask about me.  
PR: Now, I don’t know why you think you’re my friend, but you need to get that perception fixed right fucking now.  
PR: You’re going to stop contacting the people I talk to, you’re going to stop contacting Deku, and you’re never going to even ATTEMPT to contact me after this conversation.  
PR: Now, I don’t know why you think you’re my friend, but you need to get that perception fixed right fucking now.  
PR: Because, you see, if you do, I am going to find out about it.  
PR: And I am not going to be happy.  
PR: You know your worst nightmare? The one that kept you up for nights and nights, as a kid, that made you run into your parents’ room in fear?  
PR: The one that comes back, even now, in the dead of night, when you can’t sleep? That creeps up on you? And you pretend your heart’s not racing, but, truth be told, in that moment, you feel like nothing more than a defenseless, terrified five-year-old?  
PR: You know that nightmare?.  
PR: I’m going to be a hundred thousand times worse.  
PR: I will be the skeleton haunting your closet, and the thing that goes bump in the night. I’ll be all the ugly, terrible things hiding in the darkness, and all the worst things in store for you when you finally emerge from it.  
PR: I will make it my mission to make sure you *never* forget the chumhandle pyrophoricRex, so thoroughly will you be traumatized by the very thought of my ire.  
PR: I’m not going to let you *rest*, for fear of my wrath. I will make sure you never get a moment of peace for the rest of your miserable little life.  
PR: There will be a fight lined up for you every time you log in from now on, and you’re never going to win it, but there’ll still be another one waiting for you the next day.  
PR: Like Tantalus, I’ll let you see the beauty of the normal life you could have lived, had you not angered me, but the moment you try to grasp it, it’ll fade from view. You will have renounced all right to such happiness the moment you decided your fucking pranks were more important than keeping this promise to me.  
PR: And don’t think another chumhandle’s gonna save you. You think Deku gave me his shiny new username? Please.  
PR: I like to keep my enemies close. And I have my ways of finding out where you’re hiding.  
PR: I will drive you off the face of the internet.  
PR: And then I will keep pursuing you to the ends of the earth  
PR: Because, I swear to you, I will make sure you never again experience a waking moment where you’re not *fully*, *deeply*, *unsettlingly* aware of just how much I fucking *hate* you.  
PR: Capiche?  
  
SR: 6o9 omg katsuki??? 6o9  
SR: 6o9 umm, warn a guy before you say something like that?? ^OoO^ 6o9 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i mean dont get me wrong, im flattered!!! but 6o9  
PR: What.  
SR: 6o9 what 6o9  


PR: What the fuck.  
SR: 6o9 i mean bro im not like!!! unreceptive or anything??? like im not gonna deny i think youre kinda cute haha 6o9  
SR: 6o9 but like didnt you just meet me by your timeframe? lol 6o9  
PR: What the actual fuck are you on about?  
PR: And how the hell do you fuckers all know my name?  
SR: 6o9 you told me??? were friends!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i mean. in the future, that is. i think. for you 6o9  
SR: 6o9 omg, is this why you were so embarrassed the first time we talked??? katsuki thats adorable 6o9  
PR: Okay, this is getting creepy. Stop talking as if we know each other, asshole.  
PR: I don’t know how the fuck you got my name, but I don’t buy into your message-from-the-future schtick.  
PR: You’re gonna have to try harder than that to get to me.  
PR: And I don’t understand what planet you’re living on that makes you think that was me trying to hit on you.  
PR: But it wasn’t.  
PR: And I meant every word I said.  
SR: 6o9 alternia!!! 6o9  
PR: This is the last time I’m going to say it politely: It’s time to fuck off back to trolland where you belong. If you please.  
PR: Wait, what?  
SR: 6o9 alternia is the planet im living on 6o9  
SR: 6o9 or i mean was living on before sgrub 6o9  
SR: 6o9 man IM kind of embarrassed now. that really wasnt flirting? 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i mean like wow you must be a lot more of a romantic than i thought if thats a normal way to greet someone for you 6o9  
SR: 6o9 but actually for real sorry for misinterpreting!!! if you really didnt mean it that way i dont want to make you uncomfortable or anything, that wouldnt be very MANLY of me 6o9  
PR: Okay. Whatever, shut up.  
PR: Anyway.  
PR: So you’re pretending to be an alien now. Fuckin’... great.  
  


PR: And, also, Alternia? That’s really the best name you can come up with?  
PR: I’m not from earth, I’m from some... alternate planet! Alternia!  
PR: Wow, what stunning creativity. I’m stunned.  
SR: 6o9 im not pulling your leg dude i swear! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 and look man its not like your planets much better. wow, im from some other eartic planet! earth! 6o9  
PR: Eartic?  
SR: 6o9 yeah??? eartic??? 6o9  
SR: 6o9 man dont tell me you humans are illiterate too 6o9  
PR: I’m fucking amazing at reading, fuck you. I bet I could read circles around your sorry grammerless ass any day.  
SR: 6o9 uh huh you sure about that??? lol 6o9  
SR: 6o9 or lemme put it in your terms,,, uhhh 6o9  
SR: 6o9 Interesting theory. Are you absolutely positive of that? I have to laugh. 6o9 6o9  
PR: Fuck.  
PR: You know what? Nevermind. Go back to your shitty grammar, that’s fucking unsettling.  
SR: 6o9 lolllllll 6o9  
PR: Anyway, the fact that you can construct an actual sentence doesn’t mean you aren’t just making up words at this point.  
PR: You’re dedicated to the bit, I’ll give you that.  
PR: I almost respect you for it!  
PR: Keyword: almost.  
SR: 6o9 wow dude im swooning. such lavish praise from the great bakugou katsuki 6o9  
PR: Oh my god, shut up.  
PR: And thanks for reminding me that you’re a creepy internet rando who knows my legal name, by the way, I almost forgot for a second.  
SR: 6o9 im not a rando!!! were friends remember ^-w-^ 6o9  
SR: 6o9 weve met once actually! sort of. i dunno if you remember me 6o9  
SR: 6o9 I MEAN you deffo dont right now haha but like 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i saw you!!! in person. or maybe not really in person i guess??? the metaphysics of our broken sgrub session kind of confuse me haha 6o9  
SR: 6o9 but we passed through one of those bubble vision things when we first got here and we saw you!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 you from the future. which is how we met yall for the first time. i thought maybe you nodded to me but i hadnt talked to you yet so like i wasnt sure 6o9  
SR: 6o9 and were all trying to meet up like for REAL for real soon! ive just been so exciteddd like dude!!! were gonna get to HANG OUT!!! ^ouo^ 6o9  
PR: Is this a threat? Are you threatening me?  
SR: 6o9 what??? no!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 ok, i know you dont know me yet, so i get this is confusing. ill leave you alone for now 6o9  
SR: 6o9 but i dont know when in your timeline you meet me, so!!! ill have to jump around a bit probably 6o9  
SR: 6o9 and also i just wanna point out that YOU contacted ME, this time, so like. just let the record show 6o9  
PR: Yeah, but you contacted Deku, so the first act of aggression is on you  
SR: 6o9 izukus a bro!!! i like him ^owo^ 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i dont understand why talking with him is an act of aggression lol. but go off i guess 6o9  
PR: Okay, now I know for sure you’re lying about being my friend. No friend of mine would call fuckin’ Deku a “bro”.  
PR: But, like I said, you asked about me. So that makes it my business.  
SR: 6o9 i did??? i mean, weve like MENTIONED you before in passing 6o9  
PR: Why would you talk about me with DEKU  
SR: 6o9 but i dont remember specifically asking much about you??? probably a future thing haha 6o9  
SR: 6o9 what did i ask about? 6o9  
PR: I don’t know. He said you wanted to pass on some gobbledygook message or something.  
PR: It was Deku. I didn’t really pay attention.  
SR: 6o9 pfft of course you didnt. good ol bakugou 6o9  
  


SR: 6o9 i still dont get why you dislike izuku so much, either??? like i get hating someone, but youre weirdly obsessed with hating him for someone who keeps insisting its platonic??? 6o9  
PR: What the FUCK.   
PR: First of all, are you implying you believe in some sort of romantic hate?  
PR: Are you just some masochistic freak? That would explain a lot, but doesn’t really help your “I’m not a creep on the internet” case.  
PR: Second of all,  
PR: (And more importantly,)  
PR: Are you implying that you think I have *any* feelings, hate or otherwise, of a romantic nature towards Deku?  
PR: I think I actually just threw up in my mouth a little bit.  
PR: Please, *please*, never voice your opinion ever again.  
PR: It’s only thanks to you fuckers that I’ve even had to *interact* with him recently. For a few idyllic months, my life was gloriously rid of him - and then you fuckers came along to bother us both, so *thanks* for that.  
PR: (That was sarcasm, by the way. In case you didn’t catch it.)  
PR: I’d prefer that you and your little troll friends would fuck right off and let me go back to ignoring his existence in peace. Get out of here with this romantic hate bullshit. I don’t want to fucking see him again so long as I live, if I can help it.  
SR: 6o9 oof. thats kinda harsh bro 6o9  
PR: No kidding.  
SR: 6o9 ill take your word for it, though!!! you obviously feel STRONGLY about this so im not gonna be an ass about it 6o9  
SR: 6o9 good to know ur still single then ^-wo^ 6o9  
SR: 6o9 (that was a joke in case you couldnt tell haha) 6o9  
PR: Yeah, I got that, thanks  
  


PR: And thanks for being willing to drop it.  
PR: Good to know you can be a halfway decent human being.  
SR: 6o9 not a human being but youre welcome!!! 6o9  
PR: Oh, right, you’re an alien. I nearly forgot.  
PR: (Imagine I’m rolling my eyes here.)  
SR: 6o9 dont need to imagine it! i can see you on the viewscreen dude remember 6o9  
PR: Wait. What??  
SR: 6o9 anyway im gonna as you humans say peace out!!! ill troll you sometime later in your timeline when you hopefully know me 6o9  
SR:6o9 thanks for the chat bro!!! its been a delight as always ^owo^ 6o9  
  
\-- scarletRiot [SR] has disconnected --  
  
PR: No, wait, what?  
PR: Come back here. What do you mean by a viewscreen? What do you mean you can see me?  
PR: Hello??  
PR: Goddammit.  
  



	2. ACT 1: SCENE 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugou makes a new friend.

\-- scarletRiot [SR] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
SR: 6o9 hahaha unless??? ^-wo^ 6o9  
PR: What the fuck?   
  
PR: Hello??   
  


\-- scarletRiot [SR] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
SR: 6o9 hey bro!!! do you remember me yet??? lol 6o9  
PR: Great, it’s fuckin’ Space Bro.   
PR: Remind me why I haven’t blocked you yet?   
SR: 6o9 haha, i dunno dude!!! but it’s not like it would make much difference anyway 6o9  
PR: Oh?   
SR: 6o9 yeah trollian doesnt work the same way as pesterchum i dont think 6o9  
SR: 6o9 plus like you arent even in the game yet so i could just go back a little ways in your timeline and contact you then 6o9  
SR: 6o9 but obviously i wont since i havent already lol 6o9  
SR: 6o9 unless??? ^-wo^ 6o9  
PR: ?   
PR: Oh.   
PR: Oh, har dee har har. So that’s what that weirdass message was.   
PR: Yeah, very clever. Yuk it up. I still don’t buy your alien story.   
SR: 6o9 sldkfjsldjf DUDE please never type that out again 6o9  
PR: What? Har dee har har?  
SR: 6o9 KATSUKI YOURE KILLING ME HERE 6o9  
PR: Good. Die.  
SR: 6o9 so cold... ^ono^ 6o9  
PR: Better get used to it, if you think you’re going to be friends with me.  
PR: Actually, hey. You know my name somehow, and you keep insisting we’re friends, but I don’t know anything about you.  
PR: That’s pretty unfair, don’t you think?  
SR: 6o9 ^OoO^ have i not introduced myself yet??? thats not very MANLY of me!!! sorry bro 6o9  
SR: 6o9 im kirishima eijirou!!! 6o9  
PR: Oh, wait, Kirishima. Deku mentioned that name.  
SR: 6o9 haha probably!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 you can call me eijirou if you want 6o9  
PR: I can, can I? How fucking magnanimous of you, Eijirou.  
PR: I’m ALLOWED to call you by your given name, Mr. heyyyyyy katsukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?  
SR: 6o9 oh dont be like THAT about it ^-n-^ 6o9  
SR: 6o9 also ugh you typing like that is so weird. please cease and desist!!! 6o9  
PR: Hah.  
PR: Alright, then, Eijirou, I actually have some homework to get to. So if you’ll deign to excuse me...  
SR: 6o9 oh good luck bro!!! do your best!!! you can do it!!! 6o9  
PR: I fucking know I can do it, it’s easy as shit.  
SR: 6o9 ^OwO^ 6o9  
SR: 6o9 so MANLY... 6o9  
PR: Weirdo.  
PR: Now fuck off.  
SR: 6o9 talk to you later katsuki!!! 6o9  


\-- scarletRiot [SR] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
SR: 6o9 ok im BORED. so im back already lol 6o9  
PR: Already? It’s been three weeks.  
SR: 6o9 for you!!! its been like five minutes over here haha 6o9  
SR: 6o9 also youve been keeping track of how long its been? ^owo^ katsuki thats so sweet... 6o9  
PR: Oh fuck OFF  
SR: 6o9 lmao 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i assume you dont recognize me any more now then right??? 6o9  
PR: You realize that sentence was basically incomprehensible without punctuation, right?  
SR: 6o9 but katsuki i thought you said you were literate 6o9  
PR: FUCK RIGHT OFF. OF COURSE I’M LITERATE, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING BUFFOON, I JUST DON’T SPEND MY TIME READING “HOW TO SPEAK TO STUPID PEOPLE”. SOME OF US HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO.  
SR: 6o9 LMAO ok bro 6o9  
SR: 6o9 guess i know where i stand now... ^ono,^ ill leave you to those ‘better things’ 6o9  
PR: The fuck is that face supposed to mean?  
SR: 6o9 its crying! the comma is a tear you see 6o9  
SR: 6o9 because youve broken my heart bro... ^ono,^ 6o9  
PR: Okay, you see, emojis don’t work when nobody else is able to decipher what the hell they’re supposed to mean. That doesn’t even look like a fucking tear, you idiot.  
PR: Also, emojis don’t work when the person you’re talking to doesn’t care about your emotions.  
SR: 6o9 ok OUCH lol 6o9  
PR: None of those things you said were goddamn words.  
SR: 6o9 ok is a word!!! 6o9  
PR: ‘Okay’ is a word. ‘OK’ is an abbreviation.  
SR: 6o9 abbreviations are still words bro 6o9  
PR: Depends on the abbreviation. ‘Radar’ is a word. “Lol” is not.  
PR: ‘OK’ is still not a goddamn word.  
SR: 6o9 hmmm ok that sounds wrong but i dont know enough about language to dispute it 6o9  
SR: 6o9 lemme bring in my language consultant to settle this once and for all 6o9  
SR: // ok lmao letz see wht we got here  
SR: // OK LOK  
SR: // *LOL  
SR: // tfw u accidentally greet everyone w the topic of conversation .... legendz only  
PR: God fucking dammit, furry supplicant guy?  
SR: // FURRY SUOPLICNT GUY  
SR: // SUPPLICANT  
SR: // OMFG  
PR: You know what, no. I’m not fucking doing this. Fuck off.  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked scarletRiot [SR] --  
  
SR: // IM WHEEZING  
SR: // furry supplicant guy... my legacy  
SR: // wati bakubro?  
SR: // *wait  
SR: // lmao he GONE  
SR: 6o9 aah what??? bakugou??? 6o9  
SR: 6o9 oh come ON 6o9  
  


\-- scarletRiot [SR] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
SR: 6o9 ^-n-^ 6o9  
PR: I thought I fucking blocked you.  
SR: 6o9 i told you blocking me wouldnt be very effective!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 and that was RUDE!!! NOT very MANLY of you!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 you should apologize to kaminari!!! 6o9  
PR: I’m not talking to that furry motherfucker again.  
PR: For all I know, you’re the same person, and you’ve just got different ridiculous chat personas. How do I know you’re not, huh?  
SR: 6o9 uhhh ok good point 6o9  
SR: 6o9 i could send a selfie with him? but thatll take a little bit he went back to seros computer, i think theyre researching human memes still 6o9  
PR: That’s not proof. You could just pull a picture from the internet.  
SR: 6o9 ooooh shit thats true 6o9  
SR: 6o9 wait you guys have pictures of trolls on the human internet? ^OwO^ 6o9  
PR: Trolls?  
SR: 6o9 yeah trolls! like me 6o9  
PR: God, I’m sure some of the people showing their ugly mugs online are trolls, I dunno.  
SR: 6o9 no not PEOPLE! TROLLS 6o9  
PR: Like... the mythical creature?  
SR: 6o9 NO NOT LIKE THE MYTHICAL CREATURE. LIKE THE NORMAL FUCKING SPECIES I AM A MEMBER OF 6o9  
PR: Ooh, he swears! Will wonders never cease...  
SR: 6o9 yeah im rude now ^owo^ 6o9  
PR: Oh. Actually, is ‘he’ fine, by the way?  
SR: 6o9 oh yeah im a dude!!! youre good dont worry!!! 6o9  
PR: Alright, cool.  
PR: I am, too. So you know.  
6o9 ok cool!!! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 yeah i guess i kinda assumed as much because izuku referred to you dudishly!!! but maybe i shouldnt have haha 6o9  
SR: 6o9 good to know i havent yet made a massive fool of myself lmao 6o9  
PR: It’s whatever.  
PR: And I wouldn’t say that. You’ve been working pretty hard to make a fool of yourself anyway, give yourself some credit.  
SR: 6o9 ^-w-^ back to being RUDE i see 6o9  
PR: Look, it’s not my fault you’ve chosen to have such annoying friends/alternate chat personae.  
PR: Why you brought goddamn furry supplicant guy to a debate on *language* I will never understand.  
SR: 6o9 i know he doesnt seem it but kamis actually really good at that stuff! 6o9  
SR: 6o9 oh you never heard what he said about it did you 6o9  
PR: No, and I don’t care.  
SR: 6o9 well TOO BAD rude boy 6o9  
SR: 6o9 he said that he kind of agrees with you that abbreviations arent NECESSARILY ALWAYS words, it depends on your definition 6o9  
PR: Hah, owned.  
PR: Betrayed by your own friend, huh?  
SR: 6o9 BUT 6o9  
SR: 6o9 he says if you count okay as a word you gotta count ok too 6o9  
PR: What? The fuck kind of logic is that  
SR: 6o9 because okay is actually an elongated form of ok!!! like ok was the original abbreviation and then someone made it longer 6o9  
SR: 6o9 so like if abbreviations arent words because youre just like nicknaming regular words or whatever okay is even less of a word than ok 6o9  
SR: 6o9 therefore if okay is a word ok must be DOUBLY a word 6o9  
PR: I KNOW what elongated means, dumbass.  
PR: That’s awful logic, and I don’t fucking believe him, but whatever.  
SR: 6o9 just cant admit when youre wrong huh katsuki 6o9  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked scarletRiot [SR] --  
  


\-- scarletRiot [SR] began trolling pyrophoricRex [PR] --  
  
SR: 6o9 I TAKE IT THATS A NO LOL 6o9  
PR: Huh?  
PR: What are you talking about?  
SR: 6o9 ABOUT HOW YOU 6o9  
SR: 6o9 wait you dont remember??? i guess that was like a couple weeks ago for you huh 6o9  
SR: 6o9 ok yknow what nevermind. youll probably just block me again if i remind you lmao 6o9  
PR: Well, fuck you too, then.  
  
\-- pyrophoricRex [PR] blocked scarletRiot [SR] --  
  
SR: 6o9 KATSUKI 6o9  
  


\-- syncopatedTerror [ST] began pestering pyrophoricRex [PR] at 5:09 --  
  
\-- syncopatedTerror [ST] sent file ‘ughhghghhg_23.mp3’ --  
  
PR: It’s more percussion-heavy than your usual. Who are you trying to imitate?  
ST: band called aa=.  
ST: i’m still working on the verse lyrics, so those are just filler vocals. i’ll add the real ones in later.  
PR: Ah, okay.  
PR: It’s not terrible. The intro is too slow, but the chorus isn’t so annoying that I couldn’t stand to listen to it a couple of times. And it’s catchy.  
ST: ok, thanks.  
PR: Have you slept yet tonight?  
ST: ... what will you do if I say that I haven’t?  
PR: Come over to your house and start methodically setting all your electronic devices alight, one by one, until you go the FUCK to sleep.  
ST: you don’t know where I live.  
PR: I’ll fucking find out. Go to sleep.  
ST: ugh.  
ST: alright, fine.  
ST: let me just... finish this verse. and then i’ll sleep.  
PR: Headphones. You’re going to sleep RIGHT NOW, or else I will RAIN DESTRUCTION ON YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE BLOODLINE FOR GENERATIONS TO COME.  
ST: sure, mom.  
PR: MOTHERFUCKER, DON’T EVEN START.  
ST: lol.  
ST: thanks for reminding me, though.  
PR: Whatever.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, it's been about a week, right? Right? I've lost track of the passage of time a little bit.
> 
> I was originally gonna split this up slightly differently, but I couldn't resist adding in (one of) my favourite lesbian(s). I'm a weak-willed fool, and all i want is for Jirou to be happy.
> 
> This ended up being a little bit of a short chapter, so I may re-shuffle things in a while, even so. Maybe I'll post the next part sooner than in a week. We'll see what happens.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! THANK YOU to everyone who left a comment - I would die for you! Thank you to everyone reading this and validating one of the most self-indulgent things I've ever written.

**Author's Note:**

> (holy cow, that was a lot of formatting. aaaAAAAa.)
> 
> Chapter warning - There's some discussion of the concept of Bakugo/Midoriya in the section of pesterlog after the line "good ol bakugou". All mention of it is kept within that section, and it doesn't contain much information reveal (other than Bakugou being introduced to the concept of blackrom), so if that makes you particularly uncomfortable, you might want to skip that segment. (I'm personally uncomfortable with this pairing, and I know many people are, so, because I intent to fit in as much alien romance misinterpretation as possible in this fic, I wanted to address it early and explicitly so I can move on.)
> 
> Thank you SO much to all my friends who read this when I was frantically spitting it out in April (to @arwainian especially - thank you for being such a great beta reader!), and thank you to anyone reading it now!!  
> Thanks also to tumblr user @[pboperation](pboperation.tumblr.com)! Seeing [their post](https://pboperation.tumblr.com/post/173042982491/was-thoroughly-inspired-by-these-for-the-first-pic) was my original inspiration for a homestuck/bnha crossover, and I was pages of lore into planning one before I realized that they'd apparently made a comprehensive one as well. (I've made a specific effort not to look too much into it, so I don't inadvertently copy anything in my own work, but it seemed pretty cool, so you should check it out!)
> 
> I hedged back and forth on where to break this apart into a chapter, and I'm still not sure I'm fully happy with it. Oh, well. So goes life. (I'll try to keep the chapters relatively consistent, size-wise, but, again - we'll see how successful I am at that.) AO3 formatting is by nature very different to that of MSPA, which means the pesterlogs can run on kind of long. I've tried to break them up a little, but if that formatting doesn't work for y'all, please let me know!
> 
> I had a lot of fun doing the characterization in this fic! I do think that the characters' voices came out differently to my usual perception of them - some more than others - both as a factor of the alternate-universe difference in their backstories, and because I tried to turn the tone more towards that of Homestuck, and I'm genuinely kind of fascinated looking back + seeing how those voices turned out. I think it's hilarious how much Bakugou kind of became a Strilonde.
> 
> By the way, Bakugou _definitely_ doesn't have any way to figure out people's alternate chumhandles - he's just bluffing. He knows Midoriya's because his mom dragged him along once when she was picking something up from Inko and Izuku had left his laptop out on the table. 
> 
> I haven't decided whether "eartic" is an actual word on Alternia, or if Kirishima's just being an asshole, but, y'know, I think I'll just leave that up in the air. Reader's choice.
> 
> (Usernames, for reference, in order of appearance:  
> pyrophoricRex - Bakugou  
> ungluedAdhesive - Sero  
> shockinglyLiterate - Kaminari  
> alienSovereign - Ashido  
> preuxLeste - Iida  
> smallMight - Midoriya  
> scarletRiot - Kirishima)
> 
> I'm @[unfathomableTortoise](https://unfathomabletortoise.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you have any questions/wanna chat!


End file.
